Diary Of An Office Girl

Getting dumped is never painless, but boy does it hurt when you get blindsided and just don’t see it coming!

Was it something you did?

Was it something you said?

Was it my weight, my hair?

The hardest part is that you have no time to process – you’re somewhere between wanting to be hysterical and just plain numb.

Then comes the irrational part.

It’s such a crushing moment – and embarrassing, when you start thinking to yourself – his friends all probably knew before me and all those glances you received a few days earlier from them now start to make sense.

It’s cruel . . .

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I just had to share this with you all.

I was walking home from catching my bus when it started pouring last night. It wasn’t far to go, but I was getting absolutely drenched and there was no where to take cover other than a small store on the corner of 34th and Winchester.

Well, a cute guy approached me and asked if I was OK or needed a ride home.

I told him I was only a couple of blocks from my place and that hopefully the rain would stop and everything would be alright.

Now not only was he gorgeous – but he also had an umbrella – but I turned down his offer and now feel bad about cutting down this chivalrous knight in shining armour.

Damn-it. Will I never learn!

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You’re best friends with a single hetrosexual guy – it’s possible! And at some point while watching a DVD or TV together that thought crosses your mind . . .

“What would it be like to kiss him?”

What do you do?

If it doesn’t work out you risk losing a friend – but if it does you’ve got one for life!

How do you know if it’s worth the risk?

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Of course we love our friends – who else would spend half an hour dissecting a “See You Later” text from a new guy, drop everything to comfort you when your upset or tell you the honest truth about whether or not those jeans were flattering?

They’re the first people you turn to for relationship advice and while a times their words of wisdom are spot on, occassionally the offer misguided suggestions that can cause havoc.

It’s unsettling to think that someone you trust so much could steer you so wrong.

But is there the chance that sometimes – just sometimes they do it on purpose?

Like, when you don’t want to see a friend suffer they try to soften things by telling you what you want to hear or worse still that she’s using the opportunity to serve her own interests?

Why are people so complicated?

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It’s easy to feel miserable in the current financial downturn and it can really put a dampener on your mood sometimes.

When the arragghhh of a tough day at work can no longer be eased by comfort shopping for that little grey marle cardi or shiny new shoes you need to look inside yourself.

Sometimes you have to ask yourself, when was the last time you felt really happy?

The memory can often bring a smile to your face and probably involves your friends, family or partner.

But what really brought me back to earth today was seeing a homeless guy minding his own business and singing to himself as he made his way down Lomard.

He had nothing but the clothes on his back and a scrappy dog in tow - but in his world he looked happy – despite his palty circumstances.

What does that say about the rest of us?

xxx

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How do you housetrain a man?

A friend of mine has gone from being single and enjoying their own space to living with their boyfriend and the process she says is frightening.

Personally I’m no where near that point yet, but my girlfriend and I see each other pretty much every second night and she says it’s more than a culture shock – it’s traumatising!

I’m certainly not the first person to make the staggering observation that guys and girls are different but do the species ever meet in the middle?

Or is it a domestication process?

What advice can I give her?

xxx

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Uh Oh!

Two awkward situations in one day . . . how can I ever show my face again?

The day started out just fine. Sun shining, scent of spring still lingering when I ran into BFF’s boyfriend.

“Hi, really looking forward to the party on the weekend,” I blurted out.

“What party?”

 . . . errr (insert first awkward silence as I try to backtrack realising I’d just about blown BFF’s surprise party for said BF).

Luckily, I think I got out of it with some quick thinking – but I’m not relishing the fact the BFF will no doubt ring me later tonight with a please explain.

And so to awkward moment no.2.

Picture this.

Office elevator, two people, awkward silence when I make the cardinal sin of asking when the baby is due.

Need I say any more . . .

It’s not been a good day – and there’s still three hours left to face in the office.

xxx

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Is it sad that my ‘real life’ dream and biggest fantasy at the moment would have to be being married to one person forever and having a family.

I think it’s a nice idea, cause nowadays, it seems things become more and more complicated when it comes to relationships.

I would love to be in a solid place within my life and within my family.

xxx

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I found out yesterday (the day before our date) that it was Scott’s birthday, so I decided to be ultra sweet and make him a card and mix CD. (What can I say, except I’m a die hard sentimentalist with a penchant for craft).

I paid extra attention to the first and last song on the playlist, making them both funny and meaningful, as one must. For the card, I cut out a picture from an old kids book and made up a silly caption for it. It was all very heartfelt.

After the concert (which was brilliant), we went to a bar, where I gave him the present and he kissed me – purely as a ‘thanks for the gift’ gesture, I think, because after 10 passionate minutes, he said, “I can’t do this. I work with you.”

Cue stunned, vaguely humiliated silence.

“Want another drink?” he asked.

“I’m actually pretty tired,” I said, before (ahem) sauntering out with all the dignity I could muster.

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Call me a nerdophile, but I don’t get upset when my computer at work plays up – I just sit back and wait for the lovely Scott, our resident IT guru.

I’ve been known to angle my way towards him at after work drinks, so I thought why not take our drunken bitching about co-workers to the next level?

“Scotty, it’s Bec from level seven, how are you? (blah blah blah). Anyway, I’ve got two free tickets to a concert next Saturday, and I was wondering if you’d like to come with me?” His response? “Sure that sounds great.”

Yes!

Now what the hell and I going to wear?

xxx

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Regan and I met at school about 12 years ago and have been friends ever since.

Even though we don’t see each other on a regular basis, we still talk over the phone and hang out occasionally.

So when Regan told me last week he was gay – I wasn’t surprised. I suspected it. I wasn’t sure, so I never asked.

A close friend has told me Regan had come out but I waited for him to tell me – which is good because he wanted to tell me himself. He seemed nervous and was worried I would want to be his friend anymore. I was glad he was honest – and it makes no difference to me.

My girlfriends don’t care that Regan is gay, but some of my guy friends reacted strangely when they found out. They were really surprised and didn’t know what to say.

My parents like Regan and get along with him really well – and I’ve known his mum for like ever – and she’s just lovely.

If you have a friend who tells you they’re gay, reassure them that you accept them and offer your support. It should never have a negative impact on your friendship – you might even grow closer.

xxx

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When is it not cool to text a guy?

Met a real cutie yesterday while I was out shopping (for of all things new bras), when I bumped into this guy who was in the store with his sister – well that was the story anyway.

Apparently he had just been down to the camping outlet store round the corner when his sister phoned  him and asked to meet her so they could go to lunch.

To cut a long story short – we kinda got engaged in small talk and before you could say shazam – he asked me if I was seeing anyone ?  Well let me just check my diary  . . . hmmm cute guy – tick, nothing on this weekend – tick, really well groomed and not at all smarmy – tick, and pretty genuine – tick.

Yep, I think I’m free.

So is it a little strange that this morning I receive a txt message saying – looking forward to Saturday – pick U up at 8 – even though everything is already organised?

Should I reply?

Sure casual e-notes have become a huge part of dating – but I feel a little pressured to send an instant response.

I don’t want to torpedo the guy before anything’s started – but I also don’t want to start engaging in some txt free for all before I know him.

Love and xxx

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It’s funny how the most boring of weekends can unearth excitement in your life.

While I was enjoying my own company Saturday night I stumbled across a postcard an old boyfriend had sent me from France.

Being a bit of a free spirit he (we’ll call him Pete), decided that the lure of Europe was a romantic thing to do (pity it didn’t include me) and that life with no boundaries was what Pete was looking for.

I remember thinking at the time how nice it would be to write back – not email, not text, but write – but with no return address – it made it nigh impossible.

I always thought Pete was the meant-to-be guy – he would leave secret little post-its where he knew I would find them – it would melt my heart every time – so when he asked me to go with him – it was my head that ruled over my heart – which until Saturday night – I almost totally gotten over.

But it’s been nearly 48 hours and all those feelings are starting to stir again – and I’m starting to wonder if I’d done the right thing?

Perhaps I should try and find out where he is and what he is up to?

Is that stalking? Am I mad? Should I just move on?

Just the thought of ‘Pete’ makes me a happier person – or is it all too late?

xxx

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Why is it that guys just don’t seem to get the difference between sex and just wanting to be close to one another?

Jenn says intimacy is true closeness, opening up and sharing yourself with another person in an honest way. It’s all about having a special connection.

She says her boyfriend loves to brush her hair. It’s not obviously sexy, but sounds soooo relaxing and affectionate.

I guess its easy to get swept up in romantic bliss – take it when it’s on offer I say . . .

 XXX

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One of the things I found out very quickly when I moved into the city was that once you leave school, it’s tough to make new, ‘real’ friends.

Truth is, you don’t have the same kind of access to the ‘sisterhood’ that you always thought you would when you got your independence from the confimes of home.

OK, so I’m lucky to have two really great pals in Haley and Jenn, but with our lives now so intertwined in the whole 9 to 5 thing we can’t exactly go club hopping until dawn or stay up til 4am discussing anything and everything.

In so many ways, making new girlfriends can be harder than meeting a guy – afterall, you can always meet guys in a bar or at the gym – but a girlfriend (a true girlfriend) is hard to come by.

I mean lets face it – sometimes friends disappear for reasons we don’t understand and you can never have too many friends – can you?

xxx

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It’s virtually impossible to make an unpleasant person behave better, buy you do have the power to control your own behavior and not get caught up in everyone else’s game playing.

OK, so you can’t make everyone like you, nor should you want to, but if a lot of people don’t like you, it might be time to think about what you might be doing wrong.

I don’t want to go into too much detail – but some girls wallow in self pity – which won’t help and after a while it really starts to annoy those around you.

Let’s face it, when people say things – it doesn’t always have to have a hidden agenda attached to it – sometimes it’s just talk.

Gossiping can be fun but it can be hurtful and dangerous too – I guess that’s why the gossip mags sell so well – it’s a whole lot safer if you need a conscience fix.

I guess sometimes you can influence the way things turn out and sometimes you can’t  - sh*t happens – deal with it and unburden to your friends.

xxx

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How often do guy’s think about girls?

I mean, sure I think about guys, I see them here in the office, I see them at Café Latte, I see them on the bus, but I don’t obsess about them.

Perhaps I’m misguided, but I get the impression sometimes that we’re just an afterthought.

OK, so that’s probably a little harsh but I’m while I’m good at crossword puzzles, I’m the first to admit I’m not so good at people puzzles.

Oh, and BTW – remember MrTall, with to die for blue eyes and a body that just screams check this out – well turns out he’s seeing someone – which I guess isn’t surprising . . . let’s just say he’s still a work in progress.

xxx

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Dear Diary

Today I got to thinking about relationships.

There are those that open you up to the new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back.

But the best of all in my mind would be the one where you find ‘that’ someone who loves you for who you are, where there is no pretenses, no façade  - someone who is as much your best friend as your dream guy.

We all probably have a picture of him in our minds – and I don’t know if he actually exists – but I like to think he does, it’s just that we haven’t found each other yet.

I read that when you’re young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun, then, as you grow up you learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don’t leap at all because there’s not always someone there to catch you.

And in life, there’s no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?

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As any girl will tell you – there is always an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers.

It’s Friday afterall and I have been checking out this guy for months – and frankly I’m just a little bit smitten. He’s the perfect physical specimen, he’s funny and we make eye contact – a lot!

What’s more, today’s the day I’ve decided I’m going to work up the courage and talk to him.

I know he takes his lunch hour between 12.30-1.30 and always seems to attract the company of others – he’s a magnet . . .

Tall, with to die for blue eyes and a body that just screams – check this out – I’ve devised a cunning plan which two of my girlfriends are quite happy to act as accomplices.

At this point I should mention that Haley and Jenn have been my lifelong friends.

We grew up two blocks away from one another, we went to school together, we had sleepovers, we covered for each other when the situation called . . . we were the sisters each of us never had.

And so it was to the sisterhood I turn in times such as these.

Jenn says that her ideal man would make her feel me feel like a woman and a little girl at the same time – which I guess is poetic – but first things first, and right now I feel like I’m like a glass of champagne – somewhere between effervescent and ready to bubble over with excitement – and just plain scared that he’ll see me as just another girl in the office.

It’s the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

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